Close Your Eyes
by Kingdomfictionalia
Summary: What if Grissom was already too late? Okay so I added another chapter into this and I don't know how many more I'll add but I hope you read it :))
1. LET GO

**AN:** I don't know if this is a good story, I just wrote this in less than an hour. If there's any misspelled words or bad grammars, all mine, English is my second language.

 **Disclaimer:** CSI is not mine, all of this belongs to the creators and producers.

* * *

 **Close Your Eyes**

It was not so rare to have a slow shift, but that night was different, none of them got a new case and was forced to finish their overdue reports that they so wanted to avoid. They all just sat in the break room, except Grissom of course, looking through their cases that were easily wrapped up last shift.

"Alright, I'm gonna give this to Griss and I swear I'm gonna go home," Sara stood up and left the break room and headed to Grissom's office.

Sometimes it amazed her that even after all Grissom's rejection, he still had a special place in her heart. After all the tension that enveloped them these past few years, she can't just go back to her life before meeting him, because deep down she knew from the moment she laid her eyes on Grissom, that it's him that was made for her, that they will be there for each other in a long run. But, on the other hand, Sara was struggling on their strained relationship that didn't seem to bother Grissom at all, sometimes she just want to slap him in the face and show him what was happening to her. But then, it's Grissom and everyone knew that it will take you a millennia to get him to talk.

She stood at his office doorframe for a moment just to stare at him, then a after a minute she decided to let her presence to be known and knocked on his door, "hey I just finished this, thought I would give it early so I can head out," she said as she walked towards his desk and handed the folder.

He looked up and smiled before taking the folder from her, "is this final?" He asked, making sure that the evidence and all interrogations were documented.

She took a seat and nodded, "I've read it like a dozen times before and read it again twice tonight, still it doesn't sink in to me that some people can do such horrendous things and to know that they killed the person they claimed they loved the most," she shook her head in disbelief.

Grissom cleared his throat and without looking up, he said, "well, maybe because that's the only way for the both of them to be free, so they can let go on their own," Sara looked at him and raised an eyebrow, she really can't believe this man in front of her.

"Even if hurting that very person hurts him even more?"

"Well, maybe he killed her because he didn't want to cause her anymore pain, or just to push her away," Grissom said slowly.

"Is that the main reason he killed her? Because he caused too much pain? Or because he's scared of what will be of the future?" Now Grissom looked up and raised his eyebrow. "You know what, forget it, I think it's not the case we are talking about anymore," Sara stood up to leave but Grissom spoke up.

"Look, Sara…. I," he stood up and still he didn't come up with a single sentence.

"Griss just stop, if you don't know how to deal with _this_ ," she gestured her hands between them, "you don't have to, because I realized maybe I'm wasting my time here. In the lab. In Vegas," she paused and looked directly to Grissom, "you don't have to push me away anymore," she forced a smile and turned around to leave but Grissom grabbed her hand.

"Sara please, don't decide on something that you will regret later," Sara looked at him and he noticed the hurt in her eyes. "I know I've been distant lately, but like I told you, I still have no idea what to do about this, and I know I've hurt your feelings many times and I want to apologize for that," he paused and was about to speak when Sara cut him off.

"What's your point?" She said a little bit harshly.

"What I'm saying is, don't leave," he looked at her and saw her unanswered question, "the lab needs you here. I _need_ you here. You're the best I've got," Sara pulled out of his grip and began to laugh sarcastically.

"I've heard that reason many times Grissom, you won't convince me with that anymore!" Before Grissom could speak, she continued, "You keep on saying _you care_ about me, but all I feel is you pushing me away. I wish you could see how much I'm suffering, how much I hate it that I never get to have those conversations with you like before," tears started rolling down her cheeks but she continued, "I miss those times in San Francisco, I miss our old relationship. I hate myself for accepting this job because I thought our friendship will be stronger, but I was wrong," she stepped towards him and brushed her thumb on his cheek, "all I want is for you to feel the same, for you to be there for me _, for you to be at least my friend_ , and I'm sorry if I made your life complicated by moving here,"

"Sara please do-," Sara placed a finger on his lips to silence him and she saw the pain in his eyes and she cried again.

"No Grissom, I'm helping you to make everything easier, you need to go on with your life and do what you love. You don't have to deal with me anymore, or the feelings that _you may or may not_ have for me. I want you to be happy, and if me going back to San Francisco will make it all easier then I'll go back," she paused and smiled warmly at him while crying, "close your eyes, Gil," he looked at her while tears was forming in his eyes, "please?" She whispered, and he did hesitantly, she then cupped his face with both of her hands, "you will always be part of my life, remember that, just think that whatever I will decide is for the best and it's my decision too. Whatever will happen to me in the future is because of you, because you showed me what it feels like to love someone. But I can't go through every day knowing that it will always be one sided," She wiped the tear that escaped Grissom, " _I will always love you Gil_ , that won't change but I can't also go through this forever," she leaned in and kissed him gently.

She kept her two fingers on his both eyes, " _I'm letting you go_ ," another tear rolled down his cheek, he kept his eyes closed when he finally let the tears rolled down his face, when he opened them, she was gone.

Sara Sidle was gone from him. Forever.


	2. LITTLE PUSH

**AN:** I'm Back! After a few months I decided to continue this story cause really I can't just leave them like this... As much as I want to give them an alternative ending, I felt obliged to bring them back together. So here it is, the next chapter is somewhat short cause I really don't know how I'll play it out. But anyways, please enjoy reading this one *wink* and don't forget to leave a review before you go! (Just avoid bashing LOL) Okay I'll stop ranting just go on with the story! Good luck!

* * *

Grissom felt her presence but ignored it. There was too much paperwork to do that he can't avoid. Three minutes, he didn't know how Catherine could stand on his doorway for that long without even saying anything. Finally, he removed his glasses and raised an eyebrow as he looked up, "are you just going to stand there and do nothing for the rest of shift?"

If Catherine was merely another person, she would say that Grissom was really an unsociable person, but then again Catherine was Grissom's friend for more than 20 years. Enough for her to memorize every little move, look, or habit.

Catherine tilted her head and crossed her arms, "are you just going to sit there and sulk for the rest of your life?"

Grissom narrowed his eyes, "what are you talking about Catherine?" She let out a humorless chuckle and sat down across from him.

She rested both of her elbows and clasped her hands as she crossed her legs ready to chew up her friend. "You really want to keep lying to yourself?" When Grissom furrowed his eyebrows, Catherine continued, "that you're okay? That nothing has changed since _she_ left? Are you just going to ignore the fact that maybe you've lost _the most precious person_ that came into your life?"

She couldn't take it anymore and she started pacing, "what do you want me to do Catherine? Go after her and leave everything I've worked so hard for? Chase her just to find out that I'm too late? Well _I'm sorry,_ I couldn't let myself be hurt by someone who can leave me anytime!" Grissom lost it. He finally did, he didn't know how to deal with this kind of feeling, and if he could only command his heart and mind to forget her, he would. Just to ease the pain he was feeling.

Catherine tried to understand him. She really did, but the bigger part of her told her that he was wrong. So she stopped and stood right across from him since he stood up from his anger, "what if I tell you that's exactly what you should do? Did it ever cross your mind that she left her hometown with just one phone call from you! She never gave up on you even though she knows it's never going to happen! And for the record, I think it hurts more to know that you love someone wholeheartedly but deep down you know it won't happen. So yes Grissom, I'm saying that _you should_ go after her!"

Grissom looked at her with hard expression, he took a deep breath, "I can't just leave the lab Catherine, you and I _both_ know that."

She shook her head and threw her arms in the air, "for god's sake Gil would you stop thinking about the lab for just one second! _The only woman_ who could ever accept you for who you are is out there weeping for losing someone she didn't really have! Because of your _oblivious_ attitude she's gone! And don't go blaming anyone if you live the rest of your life alone," she said the last part bitterly that struck through Grissom's heart. Quickly, she put her hand on her mouth, "sorry I shouldn't have said that. I was just… um…. I,"

Grissom held up his hand, "you're right Catherine. I'm an idiot," he shook his head and sighed.

"A brilliant one at that," Catherine smiled as they made eye contact. Suddenly she saw the sadness and pain in his eyes and she couldn't help but to feel sorry for him, "so?"

He tilted his head, "what?" When she gave him a pointed look he exclaimed, "Oh! Um…. I don't know, what if she's moved on or she doesn't want to talk or see me? What if she push me away Catherine? I couldn't bear the idea of her being with someone else yet I don't know _how_ to be with her," he looked down but quickly snapped his head up when Catherine chuckled, "what?"

She shrugged, "you don't need to know how to love her Grissom, you just do. Love is never easy but it never misleads you, yes you may have doubts and other relationships in the past, but those were just pit stops, giving you time, experience and lessons because once you found the right one, you're on your own. And I for one, Grissom _believes_ that she is for you." Before he could say anything, she disappeared down the hall.

He sat back down on his chair with a new wave of determination within him. Before he left the lab, he informed Ecklie about his plans and surprisingly it went well. He went straight home and packed some of his belongings before purchasing a plane ticket.

Negative thoughts were still running through his mind, but he knew it would kill him more to live wondering what could have been.

* * *

 **AN:** So? What d'ya think? Still sucks? Well I'm still warming up to give you better stories, remember I stopped for a couple of months... But before you leave please give me a review... for those who want me to continue or if you want to find out what happens next. Want me to beg? Maybe next time *wink*


End file.
